Tag: longdistancerelationship

S: Surviving the 1st Holiday

It’s January 2, 2020, and the holiday season is now complete. It’s a brand new year and a new opportunity to recharge life.

Needless to say, it’s been rough for Q and I. While our love has proven to withstand the test of time, it’s still very youthful and slightly needy; like a toddler.

Therefore, we’ve found ourselves communicating more frequently while going through what they call the ‘holiday season.’

Thanksgiving was the first culprit of the nonsense. Being around my family and traveling, eating and drinking, creating memories… knowing that Q should be by my side throughout. While a lot of the family knows about Q and I and our situation, it’s not always the easiest thing to bring up to everyone. So a lot of the time, I’ve been forced to hold my feelings or sneak away to get my 20 minutes alone with Q via cell phone tower waves.

As expected, we spent a lot of time thinking and talking about the future. After personally ‘doing Christmas’ 4 times, we noted how we will have Christmas at our house to bring everyone to US.

New Year’s Eve was gentle. As a performer, I had a show that night. Luckily, it was a late night at the facility, which allowed Q to be able to call at 11:50pm – letting us count down the minutes to the new year, and spend it together. We were in two different places at once, but together nonetheless.

All in all, we got through it.

The key was remembering that it’s okay to talk often. Meaningful conversation or not, the emotions are going to be high and plentiful. Listening actively and allowing all feelings – positive and negative – to flow, will make it easy to manage.

We ended New Year’s hand in hand at visit, transferring energy to each other, closing our eyes, breathing together and remembering that we make our world. Vowing to set goals and intentions for our next year together. Knowing the bubble is only as strong as we allow it to be.

– S

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Q: When You Give Your Heart

When you give someone else your heart, they literally become your life…

…All my joy resides in a smile of a single soul.
Her laughter brings heaven to ear…
Behind her lively expressions, lay the keys to life.
My heart beats to the batter of her eyes.
My soul stirs at the rhythm of her breath.
She is my life… and without her I cannot live…

Her eyes hold the world.
Her touch holds the warmth of the sun.
Her voice chimes and darkness is eradicated.
Why must my heart be hers? Does but a fool bind his soul to another?
Who am I, but a fool?

To breathe you is my way to wisdom.
To hold you is my journey to understanding.
I seek you… through all the numerous things.
Through the golds, the jewels, and all matters of worldly powers –
I seek nothing but my Love.
And to me, there is nothing but her…

The flawlessness of a diamond only exposes its sterility.
The purity of a child only exposes its inexperience.
The perfect woman has the brilliance of a diamond, but the means of growth.
She has the purity of a child, but the wisdom to discern truth…

Every piece of you is my bread and breath… you, S, are my life.

– Q, written 12/8/19

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S: Lockdown Thoughts

This is a rare JPay letter sighting (written by Q) from late October. It’s important to note that this writing style and this platform is so familiar and intimate to me. It brings warmth to my day. There’s nothing like seeing a new message notification and reading new words from him. It represents a bit of the little things that some relationships may not have the ability to appreciate.

This is especially true since my relationship is subjected to a difficult time each quarter, where he’s on lockdown. This means that all of the inmates in Q’s specific facility spend most of their time in their cell and are not able to make phone calls or use their JPay tablets to send or receive emails for 1-2 weeks. And it’s unknown when they’ll get out. While I can’t call or write immediately, I am able to attend weekend visitation and write with snail mail.

In the meantime, little pieces of old notes like these help me get through it. Helps me remember why we do what we do and that we are growing during this time. That our love is making more roots and we gain more grounding and appreciation for what we have. A feeling that will last a lifetime. It reminds me that with time and true love, there is going to be some work. And that we are working harder than most couples in some ways, but also growing effortlessly.

I’ll share more as they come.

– S

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Love Letter Excerpt: 11/11/19

Know everywhere you see the sky, I will not abandon you… just as I see the sun, the moon and the stars and know that your light never flees me. Our love is a matter of spirit. So no bounds, nor even time or space can capture it. It is forever and unending. Infinite and all encompassing.

I hope these words help you to embrace my spirit a little more easily tonight, and though you may not read them until later, tonight I hope you can rest in them… telepathic bubble power and shit. 🙂

– Q, Excerpt from letter 11/11/19

I didn’t get to read this letter until tonight. And tonight was when I needed it. I was under a lot of stress and was feeling a bit hopeless for a lot of reasons. And yet somehow, he’s always there when I need him. Always matching my energy and saying the things I need to hear, even when he’s not here.

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S: Channeling Spiritual Love

This past weekend at visit, I noticed something on Q’s hand as we sat down after a warm embrace. It was a ring around his pinky, seemingly made of wood. It was brown with some beautiful flaws. He gave it to me and told me a guy made it for him a while back. Said he wanted me to have something of his.

I was immediately grateful; especially when I left him. I pulled it out of my pocket. It magically fit my left ring finger.

After thinking about it for a while and talking to him about the ring, I had an epiphany about it’s meaning. And somehow, he shared something very similar with me in a note before I was able to see it.

Our ring… wood torn from the tree… but forever connected…

– Q, 10/28/19

This ring represents our spiritual love. Our spiritual connection.

With our ring, I am reminded to stay grounded, and present. I am reminded that we are constantly growing. Slow, but steady and intentional. I am reminded that you and I are longevity, as years and years pass while we still stand steady. Tall and timeless. Trees change with the season. But they never fall down in the face of the coldest winters or the hottest summers. Never falling in the face of hurricanes or storms. Persevering it all. 

I am reminded that our love is shelter, always. And that we are spiritually connected at all times. Now, then, forever.

-S

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S: What does it mean to have a love that’s forever?

Oh; What does it mean to have a love that’s forever?

A life of love that survives all obstacles, and makes me better.

What does it mean to have a love that lets me be creative,

whether its good or bad; practiced or forgotten.

What does it mean to have a love that lets me make mistakes,

but never lets me be less than my best.

What does it mean to have a love that makes me beautiful,

no matter what I’m wearing, how many pounds I’m gaining, or how much make up I’m saving.

What does it mean to have a love that speaks truth with every word,

no matter how unbelievable it may seem.

To have faith that is endless.

What does it mean to have a love that listens, even when I’m not talking.

…to have a love that moves me, even when I’m not walking.

What does it mean to have a love that lives in every single moment,

whether the

five senses can sense it

or not.

What does it mean to have a love with a mind of its own?

What does it mean to have a love that lives all around, in every object, every molecule, every thought.

What does it mean to have a love that time can’t shape?…

That time can’t break and time can’t shake? Having a love that can’t wait –

Because it doesn’t have to.

It means THIS love is fate,

And life’s what we make.

– S, for Q, Written 10/22/19

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S: Achieving Greatness Through Love

Yesterday, we got a national holiday visit. 3 hours of bliss holding hands and talking face to face. Recharging the bubble and reminding each other of true love, by only looking into each other’s eyes.

I remember not knowing what true love was; but getting to know Q again and remembering how we were back then quickly brought me back to that point.

Today, I thought of the quality of love it takes to feel invincible. To be able to feel like you can do anything just by knowing and feeling and understanding how rare it is to be exposed to this form of power outside of a family relationship. It’s a beautiful thing. It reminded me that it’s important for us ALL to feel that way in our relationships.

Does your significant other enable you to achieve greatness? Why or why not?

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S: Light Speed.

We were talking this morning about our future. About how hard this time will be for us.

Q mentioned something about us never being friends in the 12 years we’ve known each other. It’s true. Even as kids, we were zero to one hundred. Instantly in love. Instantly dramatic and full of intensity that was unavoidable. Instantly indebted to each other.

Now is no different. The way we have reconnected has been a quick process, but it hasn’t stopped us from moving as quickly as we naturally do. This time we have to do together, will be a true testament to our will and patience.

-S

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September’s Mantra

Through meditation and conversation, Q and I have been adopting a few words into the way we walk, talk, and think about life and love.

Establishing peace in our situation. Focusing on the present moment and experiencing everything for what it is. And remaining joyful and positive with every intention, whether it be word or thought.

Namaste.

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