Silver shining sun,
The chirps of the birds are heard;
Distant lovers smile.
– Written by Q, 3/21/20
A collection of insights, stories, and letters between two kindred souls, balancing love and life. S, and Q, who’s been incarcerated since 2008. We’re writers, passionate creators, and hopeless romantics, inspiring each other and those around us every day.
Silver shining sun,
The chirps of the birds are heard;
Distant lovers smile.
– Written by Q, 3/21/20
Here’s my story, and a few things you can do if you didn’t know either.
With COVID-19 spreading uncontrollably by the hour, I’ve found myself in a constant battle with none other than: my brain. Sure, I’ve struggled with anxiety in my adult life, like everyone else. Let’s talk about it.
I’m a multitasking maniac, suffering from FOMO and cases of imposter syndrome. I’ve had a panic attack before, and can tell if I might be on the verge of one. I hate change and I’m very cautious about most adventurous things. I’m a semi-hoarder/clutter-lover, and I have mild issues of letting go. Trouble falling asleep due to racing thoughts of the day. I’ve seen the same therapist occasionally for the past couple years. The works.
On the contrary, I’m an extroverted, karaoke-singing, open-minded, outspoken, natural-haired, fun-loving woman with a constant smile on my face. These days though, it’s been easy to lose her.
My anxiety has gotten so bad, that it has not only affected me emotionally, it’s affected my physical well-being. There are points in time during the day where my chest feels like someone’s trying to rip it out. Where I sleep for only 4 hours after tossing and turning. When I’m too tired to think about meditating. When I realize I’m out of frozen meat and my knees buckle because I have to go to the store… All of the above.
As a black woman, I’m no stranger to worry. It runs in my family. My grandmother and my mother worry constantly about most things, which is something that I learned at an early age and carried with me. As a kid even, I always seemed to think in a worst case scenario mindset, which allowed me to make changes to my wardrobe and hair, all the way to the major I chose in college, to the experiences I have as an adult.
I also have a 2nd grader. He’s at home for the next two weeks, and trying to keep him educationally entertained is no easy task by far. Luckily, he’s a straight A student and loves math. However, he’s also impatient by nature and very distracted.
I have an incarcerated significant other, which you already knew, and that’s a whole bag of uncertainty. While visitation is cancelled until further notice, that’s not the only impact. They live in close quarters, where almost every surface in the pods are being touched by the minute. The employees are in and out of the facility, going who knows where and bringing who knows what back in there.
OH. And I’m also in the advertising and media business, which is completely overrun by my clients’ worries of keeping their employees employed, wasting money on ads, and saying the right things due to heightened sensitivity with everything going on in the world. I’m dealing with working from home with video conferences and multiple bosses and people to manage. On top of that, sitting in my kitchen for HOURS.
Knowing all of this, and adding COVID-19 to the mix, I’ve done everything in my power to allow my mind to calm. However, it seems like every news article and conspiracy theory causes me to lose any progress I make; and I start over.
I’m learning each day that I cannot control everything, and that there are active steps I can take on the road to overcoming. Now, there’s no magic way to do it overnight, but here’s some things you can do RIGHT NOW, to begin a path of inner recovery.
Happy thinking. And breathe.
Q and I started a new thing for 2020, Contemplation of the Week. It’s a quote or thought we find during the week, that we can document, write down, think about, and implement into our lives.
“Do not fear. Be responsible with your power of creation.”
– Q
“In the midst of the hysteria going on today with people watching their germs and trying not to get this global sickness, I’ve found myself full of anxiety on a daily basis. Worry in the back of my mind causing a rift in focus…
But I control my reaction to my thoughts. In fact, I create these thoughts. Being aware and understanding of my own creations… is imperative. Staying mindful of how to prevent, and not reactive, will protect my inner peace. Which is also my creation. Deep breathing and positive energy will alleviate my fear and bring love into the dark places in my mind. But only if I allow it.”
“The mind is the maker… when we set it upon a serious thought, maybe a dream we hope to attain, we began to shift the tides of the universe towards our desire. We can gather strength and energy to accomplish this desired reality. whether conscious or otherwise, we are constantly provoking a pattern that plays out in existence and alter realities… as so for positive aspirations, so too for negativity and its respects…
Fear, negativity, and worry these are not different from the thought that comprise our dreams. they manifest with the same swiftness. So it is wise for the creators, possessors of mind, to guard against negative thoughts and fears, because given the proper amount of attention they will come to fruition… be responsible with your power of creation…”