S: All That I Can Do

When I start to

think about you…

my heart gets heavy

and my knees get weak

trying to fill the void

of emptiness, I seek

anything to keep me

out of the dark stormy rain

that lives inside me.

When I start to

see the days go by…

My heart gets heavy,

knowing the things you’ve missed.

The life unlived,

and the kisses unkissed.

The wishes… still wished

that that day would soon come,

and the let downs would cease,

and in my arms you’d run

forever…

without the bars between us.

When I think about you,

but until then that’s all that I can do.

-S, 12/1/22

Q: A Prayer – “Every Year of Forever”

God, Overseer of Our Days,
may every time we cross paths, it be an instantaneous rekindling of our love at
first sight for both of us.

May loving one another continue to produce the most beautiful experiences we shall ever
have… only we, together, can totally
understand the sweet dream that is our love.

Let us, before God and all under
the blue sky, before everything that
crawls, walks, runs, and swims upon
God’s green earth… profess and acknowledge what we know to be true – that our coming together is God’s work.

Let the love of two forever amazed by one
another, continue to shine throughout an imperfect world, perfectly.

God, may you conintue to use our love as your own and a shining example, as it can
inspire our friends and ever-growing
Family, by which that same love shall endure.

God, allow us the depth of your eternal grace, as we continue to remember: When we put our heads together, we create a world that’s even better.

We respect the awesome power that is God, as it has forged the framework for the eternal force that is our love — love that is now, love that was then, love that is still, love always, love will and forever shine it’s reflection, our reflection throughout the sands of time.

Separate bodies, kindred souls, rebounded back by the ultimate unifying force, God’s original form – love – fashioned from a rib, created to be side and side. May our joy continue throughout our lives as a reflection of your joy that spans an eternity – a love that is true and pure, a love that is absolute, that it is formless yet never changes… love, threefold and forever and ever.

Q+S: The Second Year

August 14th marked our second trip around the sun together, and we wanted to take some time and think about all we’ve been through, and how the love still grows. We each took a step back separately and reflected on it. Pictured, is the beautiful drawing in the card that Q made for S.

Q:

It has been 730 days since S and I decided that we would act on our feelings and move out on the rest of our lives together. Ever since then we have experienced joys as well as sorrows, laughter as well as tears, but overall, we’ve experienced the depth of our love and its inability to fade.

We were only 7 months into our newly re-established relationship before the pandemic hit. Before then, she came to visit me 2-3 times a month before they stopped visitations well over a year ago. So, a majority of our time as a couple has been under the strain of no contact… And what a strain it has been. But it is evident that it cannot defeat us.

It is becoming more clear that there is no force in this world that can defeat us. Over 10 years, and the great love we possessed as teenagers has only become stronger through its perseverance. Time has not been able to stifle us and every once in a while our love seems to rebirth itself. We re-live feelings of the first day we locked eyes in the middle of a busy sidewalk, and our lives were recreated.

There has been 80 miles in between us every night for the past 2 years. But without a doubt, our prayers reach one another and fill our spirits and souls with presence. It makes the space in between us irrelevant at times.

The physical distance has actually prompted us to get creative and more in depth with our communication. Sure, trying to translate much of how we feel through word alone can be choppy at times. We even experienced our first impromptu ‘hang up’ during an argument on the day of our second anniversary. But I cannot deny that we are getting better and stronger with each obstacle we overcome. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard. Really hard.

For the weekend of our anniversary, S traveled to attend my mother’s wedding. I could not foresee just how much it would affect me. Maybe because I was too worried about how much it would effect her, but the pain of knowing she was there without me, oddly enough drove me to anger. An anger that became irritation, that become stress and resulted in an argument that ended up with her hanging up on me.

Regardless of every difficulty we’ve faced, the truth is undeniable. S and I share a love that is unlike anything I’ve encountered before. After 2 years of fighting for our love everyday, I only look forward to living loving and growing throughout this life with her by my side. For better or worse, our love thrives. Here’s to two years and the rest of forever.

– Q

S:

While I couldn’t imagine myself here in April 2018, here we are. I’ve discovered the greatest love I’ve ever known in a man, and I can’t touch him, smell him, see him or talk to him without being monitored.

It hasn’t been easy at all. Through the pandemic and its daily struggles, my anxiety has gotten the best of me this summer. I’ve been trying to take it easy and take care of myself. More meditation and more management of work / life balance. Thinking positively.

I’ve found myself taking the daily churn out on him. When I work too hard or over do it in my personal chores/errands or stressing myself out trying to make sure I’m being a good mother, daughter, and friend. He’s on the recieving end of my stress. And it reminds us that he’s not here, which causes more confusion and frustration.

What’s amazing is that Q is always there for me, helping me and showing me alternatives. Coaching me and sharing his own experiences and understanding. And though he isn’t here physically, our spiritual relationship is the perfect solution. Just the other day he shared some wisdom on patience, one being: “Hone in on the desire of stillness – it’s already there inside of you.”

Focusing in on things like that and being open to universal love, reminds me that I’m okay. When anxiety strikes sometimes I think: “I am away from the man I love every day and I handle it with grace.” While it seems uncanny, I truly believe that Q and I have it all. We spend a lot of time building things together, sharing ideas and writing eachother poetry and haikus. Listening to music together, writing stories and singing and dancing together. And my favorite – talking about how we will change the world when it comes to criminal and social justice reform. Presently, we’re working on Brilliance and working with SIP to end mass incarceration in Virginia through awareness and law changes. In the future, we plan to continue that work and do even more on the ground together, as he wants to be a lawyer.

We are not perfect and we will never be perfect, but the way we work together each day, and the way we work to understand eachother: offering support and encouragement, is how I know we have forever locked down. He’s my soulmate.

– S

Q: Poor Man’s Pride

Hold on to everything, like it will all fly away.

Your pride, your truth, and all honesty ways.

Your speech, your logic, your poise and esteem,

But body and mind will still leave with the dream.

Oh poor man! Oh begger! Oh all righteous one!

Time ticks for us all and fate will ensue,

Oh hater of filth and lover of sun.

True things won’t transcend, but how about you.

– Q, 7/29/21

Q: JPay Poetry – A Visit From a Muse

This was written by Q, during a 10-minute break between video visits.

A crack in the sky
would not be as mesmerizing
As your smiling eyes.

A glowing fire,
lights behind the windows
which guard your soul.

A vision of your skin paints the inside
of my mind
with vexatious delight.

A portion of my being lies with you always Guiding my body through the trials of time –
Closer to your embrace.

Given the dawn as a gift,
I would deliver you the day.
Given the moon as a prize,
We would make sure the night shines.
Given 10 minutes,
I would attempt to describe the endless
depths of my love for you.
Given a lifetime,
I would ensure that you experience it forever.

-Q, 5/19/21

S: Channeling Spiritual Love

This past weekend at visit, I noticed something on Q’s hand as we sat down after a warm embrace. It was a ring around his pinky, seemingly made of wood. It was brown with some beautiful flaws. He gave it to me and told me a guy made it for him a while back. Said he wanted me to have something of his.

I was immediately grateful; especially when I left him. I pulled it out of my pocket. It magically fit my left ring finger.

After thinking about it for a while and talking to him about the ring, I had an epiphany about it’s meaning. And somehow, he shared something very similar with me in a note before I was able to see it.

Our ring… wood torn from the tree… but forever connected…

– Q, 10/28/19

This ring represents our spiritual love. Our spiritual connection.

With our ring, I am reminded to stay grounded, and present. I am reminded that we are constantly growing. Slow, but steady and intentional. I am reminded that you and I are longevity, as years and years pass while we still stand steady. Tall and timeless. Trees change with the season. But they never fall down in the face of the coldest winters or the hottest summers. Never falling in the face of hurricanes or storms. Persevering it all. 

I am reminded that our love is shelter, always. And that we are spiritually connected at all times. Now, then, forever.

-S

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