S: Our Spiritual Journey, the Second Year

Every once in a while, Q and I decide to write on an interesting topic for the blog at the same time. As an additional wild card, we don’t share the entries with one another until they’re both finished. No peeking. This month, we thought we’d reflect on how we’ve continued to grow together spiritually after 2+ years. Enjoy.

S:

It’s been a roller coaster of a time for us. Not being in the same room for almost 2 years really has a tendency to rattle beliefs and poke at hope.

That said, Q and I have gone through a rough summer and fall – a rough Mercury retrograde – and now, a lockdown that could last another week or more. It’s been 3 days now since I’ve heard his voice, so finishing this writing felt right because I’m in need of the reflection of our connection.

While the expression isn’t as erratic as it used to be, there’s no loss of passion. We still write to each other letters, write poetry and music and drawing pictures… still planning our future together. However, there’s a bigger baseline of faith between us.

Connecting on a deeper level isn’t always about the tangible things for us. I believe we have been praying similarly and working toward goals together. Meditating nightly and not forcing it if it’s not there. I’ve found in the past year, we spend more time talking about our meditations and dreams – and even HOW we prayed has become a regular point of conversation. It has inherently brought us closer and more grounded in each other.

In my own life, I’ve been struggling with heightened anxiety since the beginning of the pandemic. I can recall a time a couple months ago when Q was able to really help me dig deep into my control issues, and offered many words of encouragement and learnings he got from his own meditations and from studying tai chi. He really knows how to help balance me when I’m at my worst. There was a night when he gave me some advice so good I had to write it down as quotes on post it notes – so I could stick them around my space.

I was never really a meditating girl before him – but having a tool like this in my toolbox is exactly what I needed to be able to maintain stability in a situation like this. Letting go and keeping faith front and center is what it’s all about. Opening ourselves up to feel the flow of nature and allowing the little things to shine through is what we value most. Through a song lyric, seeing a plant grace our picture, smelling a flower, seeing the sun set, or hearing a bird chirp. Those are the kinds of things that make us feel love through spirit and I’m truly grateful.

Here’s to growing into many many more years of that feeling, regardless of where we are in the world. Faith, hope and love are the 3 things that we know will get us through it all.

– S

(To read the Q version, click here.)

November 8, 2021 1

Q: Second Year of a Relationship and It’s Spiritual Growth

Q:

It has been over two years since S and I re-engaged our love story. One of the most interesting things about that is that no matter how far apart we were, for however long, we’ve managed to still be alike in so many ways. We still both love to dance, sing, laugh, and love. It seemed as if time could not fade it, it has only made it stronger. But above all that, there was something that we didn’t share enough of as kids… our spirituality. As adults, S and I both embraced a diligent search for our more spiritual selves and we have bonded over that search and it has become one of the greatest pillars in maintaining our very fruitful and loving long distance relationship.

My entire incarceration has been an opportunity to build a spiritual discipline. Since being locked up, I’ve read an array of books and practiced meditation for the last 13 years; and most recently taken up Tai Chi. There came a point were I felt like I mastered meditation. I was unbound and completely detached from the hostile and mind numbing, monotonous world of imprisonment. I didn’t realize at the time that I was nowhere near mastery. Soon, the universe would send me a reminder.

August 14th, 2019, S and I decided that we would be together even though we were miles apart. From that point on, the world began a light speed crash course for my emotions and mind. I was plunging back into an emotional life of caring, concern, and attachment. I stressed and felt unbelievable pressure as I was jolting back into a world beyond my aloof present. Regrets of the past, fears of the future, feeling of helplessness over control of my world… all things I thought were no more, had resurfaced from their mere suppression and assaulting my inner spaces. It was like a struggle I never experienced before. That was the first year.

Being in a long distance relationship can pose a lot of problems for any couple. Being in a relationship where one of you are in prison, can be one thousand times more stressful. S and I have extremely limited physical contact and phone calls aren’t always ideal. But we have a spiritual connection and a desire to strengthen it. We focus on what we call, our “spiritual love.” We try to reach one another in a way that is beyond physical. It’s presence we miss, so its presence we try to project. We try to synchronize our prayer and meditation times in an attempt to channel one another.

I’ve realized that the type of discipline I engaged before being in this relationship was only foundational at best. What I understand now is that spirituality is not only for yourself, it is to be emitted to those in your life. Spirituality is about connecting and bridging the gap between what seems to be separate. S being at the center of my journey with me has allowed me to better express my love to my family, friends, and even random people I encounter in my daily happenings. I feel more sensitive to life and more alive because it.

S’s presence pushes me to reach out, not withdraw in, learning to bring a lot of my internal growth out into the atmosphere. It hasn’t been easy. In fact, this has been the greatest challenge I ever had to endure. but I know, just the bit of growth I have achieved in the last few years is a million times greater than the 10 years I’ve walked this journey alone. And to be honest, I welcome the lifetime of new levels I can see over the horizon, as S and I set out on our forever journey of love, life, and continuous spiritual growth.

-Q

(To read the S version, click here.)

November 8, 2021 1

Q+S: March 9 Contemplation of the Week

Q and I started a new thing for 2020, Contemplation of the Week. It’s a quote or thought we find during the week, that we can document, write down, think about, and implement into our lives.

“Do not fear. Be responsible with your power of creation.”
– Q

S:

“In the midst of the hysteria going on today with people watching their germs and trying not to get this global sickness, I’ve found myself full of anxiety on a daily basis. Worry in the back of my mind causing a rift in focus…

But I control my reaction to my thoughts. In fact, I create these thoughts. Being aware and understanding of my own creations… is imperative. Staying mindful of how to prevent, and not reactive, will protect my inner peace. Which is also my creation. Deep breathing and positive energy will alleviate my fear and bring love into the dark places in my mind. But only if I allow it.”

Q:

“The mind is the maker… when we set it upon a serious thought, maybe a dream we hope to attain, we began to shift the tides of the universe towards our desire. We can gather strength and energy to accomplish this desired reality. whether conscious or otherwise, we are constantly provoking a pattern that plays out in existence and alter realities… as so for positive aspirations, so too for negativity and its respects…

Fear, negativity, and worry these are not different from the thought that comprise our dreams. they manifest with the same swiftness. So it is wise for the creators, possessors of mind, to guard against negative thoughts and fears, because given the proper amount of attention they will come to fruition… be responsible with your power of creation…”

March 13, 2020 0

S: Channeling Spiritual Love

This past weekend at visit, I noticed something on Q’s hand as we sat down after a warm embrace. It was a ring around his pinky, seemingly made of wood. It was brown with some beautiful flaws. He gave it to me and told me a guy made it for him a while back. Said he wanted me to have something of his.

I was immediately grateful; especially when I left him. I pulled it out of my pocket. It magically fit my left ring finger.

After thinking about it for a while and talking to him about the ring, I had an epiphany about it’s meaning. And somehow, he shared something very similar with me in a note before I was able to see it.

Our ring… wood torn from the tree… but forever connected…
– Q, 10/28/19

This ring represents our spiritual love. Our spiritual connection.

With our ring, I am reminded to stay grounded, and present. I am reminded that we are constantly growing. Slow, but steady and intentional. I am reminded that you and I are longevity, as years and years pass while we still stand steady. Tall and timeless. Trees change with the season. But they never fall down in the face of the coldest winters or the hottest summers. Never falling in the face of hurricanes or storms. Persevering it all.

I am reminded that our love is shelter, always. And that we are spiritually connected at all times. Now, then, forever.

-S

October 31, 2019 0