Tag: truelove

S: His Quarantine Birthday

Today is his 32nd birthday. Unfortunately, things have gotten harder as of last Thursday, when Q’s building had to go on a 14-day extensive quarantine. This means that on top of not visiting yesterday, we cannot talk today, nor can we have our planned video visitation.

Needless to say I’m a little devastated, and have been crying this morning. But an inkling inside of me continues to keep me calm. I know for a fact that it’s him… his spirit. Reminding me that we are in each others hearts on this day, no matter what we go through. That our love is always shining.

I thought I’d celebrate here by posting the poem I wrote for his birthday card the other day, and sharing this video screenshot of us dancing 13 years ago, today.

To The Man That I Love.

On the 27th of April,
a special moment of the year,
A sweet baby was born –
QMP is here!
And even if the world is falling,
From the sky above,
I’m screaming happy birthday,
To the man that I love.

To the man that I trust,
To the man that I lust,
The man that makes me smile,
Even when we start to fuss.
Cheers for a trip around the sun
We have to celebrate –
Happy birthdays are in order,
For the man that I appreciate.

For the man that I respect,
the man that I honor,
To the man that I stand for,
For whom I only grow fonder.
Feeling happy as I’ve ever been.
Although times may be rough –
I’m singing happy birthday,
To the man that I love.

-S, 4/22/20

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S: Pandemic Woes

Well. Q and I have faced some tough times these last 8 months, but none as tough as what’s been going on for the last month and a half. A whole pandemic.

Not only are we facing the global implications of this, but locally, he’s on modified lockdown, which means they can barely leave the pod. His JPay JP5 player is on the fritz/broken, so we can’t communicate like we used to with writing emails. Our phone time is strenuous, because I’m working from home and everyone in the pod has unlimited clicks and free phone calls on Thursdays. OH, and a little thing called – we can’t see each-other, as all facilities ended visitation as of March 12th.

Luckily his positive attitude and my ability to make light of situations, make us a perfect match. We keep eachother grounded in many ways.

We spent some time tonight talking about our spiritual connection and not taking anything for granted. Seeing eachother often and going through the hustle and bustle of life allowed us to slack a little when it came to building in that category. Our wavelengths have never been off, but they could definitely use adjustments.

He was talked about how his meditation and prayer the night before made way for a memory that put a smile on his face.

We took the moment to note the contemplation of the week: ‘Focus on what you can control.’ We both get so wrapped up with the fact that we’re not together, that we sometimes forget the present. We are together and we are growing everyday. Learning and experiencing and continuing to fall in love every single day. That is a relationship I want to have.

–S

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Q + S: How Loving Yourself, Can Equal Finding Love

Q and I talk a lot about self love, and the true love we have with one another. When we were working on the ‘100 Reasons I Love You’ writing we did for eachother over Valentine’s Day, we both mentioned how we wanted to find things about eachother that didn’t have to do with ourselves.

Some people say you can’t love others because they love you, but we say why not? The true love you seek lies within you.

Take a look at a letter Q wrote, sharing his perspective on how it’s okay to love your significant other because they love you.

“I woke up this morning thinking of you and how much I love you. It’s A LOT. It’s funny you spoke on loving me because I love you and loving the part of yourself that you see in me. I thought about that same very exact thing. I thought about the way you remind me of my mother first. Then, I was like – well she reminds of my sister too. and Then I was like… well duh, they both are my relatives, so I love them because they are a reflection of me. 🙂 And think about this infinite model of love… I love you because you love me (not solely because of that, but yeah)… and your love makes me love me more, which in turn make me love you more, which also in turn makes you love me more and the cycle continues on your side of the cycle and on and on…

I don’t necessarily think loving someone because you resonate with the ‘you’ inside of them is a bad thing. On the real, I think that’s the a true means of cultivating our intense type love. It not loving you because you love me per say, its more a love for you based on a self-love. That sounds like a very healthy basis for building a very healthy love, right? That’s why saying we love US is so profound and depicts a deeper aspect of our bubble and its perspective…

I did also acknowledge our differences. Propagated mostly by our upbringing and difference in experience. Which I think is awesome. Two whole halves starting at different points to ascertain life in depth. Just like having two eyes operating in tandem to capture the third dimension… I love nature and its wisdom. And I know you do too. :)”

– Q, excerpt from hand-written letter to S, 2/16/20

When you spend time focusing on loving yourself, you start to see the quality of love you deserve. Not only that, but you start to recognize all the things you love about yourself. This then starts to reveal the things you love about others. It truly starts with the self.

– S

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S+Q: When we see eachother.

Every time we go to visit, we always write to each other about how we’re feeling afterward. Something about it all is timeless, and unpacks what love means. I thought I’d share the love of our messages, just in time for Valentines.

Baby, every time we take center stage, I’m reminded of why I love you like I do. Everything you are… loving, smiling, laughing, and joyous. My light. The light of my light. I’m holding back a misty eye right now. You know when I wiped a tear on your left hand today… do you know what I was thinking when the tear came? I was thinking about how great you are… I don’t know how its supposed to feel. But I think this is it… I’m sure of it. Love wrapped in flesh…

– Q

“We’ve really always been this way, baby. Silly and fun and a little spontaneous. Dancing and singing and making shit up. Laughing and egging each other on. In that old video of us when we were 19, I’m making fun of you and hyping you up at the same time and laughing. There’s so much love in it and it’s clear you’re doing it to entertain yourself as much as you’re entertaining me. And that’s exactly how we are now. Having fun just because. I love it when we embarrass ourselves and each other because that’s just us and it’s our beautiful and corny love shining with no dullness in sight.”

– S

“S, we are given the chance to have love the way we want it. Unfiltered, pure, and true. We don’t have to be other people. We are us… people that aren’t too easy to understand… and yet, we understand each other… and love one another…”

– Q
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Q+S: Contemplation of the Week

Q and I are starting a new thing for the year, Contemplation of the Week. It’s a quote or thought we find during the week, that we can document, write down, think about, and implement into our lives. For week one, we picked a quote that I happened to find on a tea bag. We decided to write about it. We may do so from time to time… and maybe post it. ❤️

WEEK ONE:

Earth laughs in flowers.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

S: “There was a point in time when he used to always call me his flower. Delicate, beautiful, pure, and joyful. His flower.

Knowing that I am his light, and one of his biggest reasons, it scared me to feel it and see it. It also filled me with purpose and care to a level that I failed to see on my own. It effortlessly fuels the way he loves me.

I know that the earth is full of them – flowers. But a lot of them only spring in the spring. They are rare, but plentiful; like the frequency of comedy. Where there is joy, there is laughter. Where there is earth, there are flowers. Flowers are joy.

Earth will always produce that beauty for as long as there is soil, as long as there is water, as long as there is sun. Flowers cannot bloom without the nurturing of what is constant and what is true. The same goes for love.”

Q: “Living and breathing, the earth is a being equipped with its own soul and character. No different from any other organism.

What does it mean for one to laugh? A joyous reflex imprinted onto the innate operations of the soul. Our laughter signifies our joy. You could say it is the only moniker of a pure elation. The earth exemplifies its joy through the vessel of flowers. If one takes the time to really contemplate the flower, they may find all the joys of the earth, for themselves.”

Q: When You Give Your Heart

When you give someone else your heart, they literally become your life…

…All my joy resides in a smile of a single soul.
Her laughter brings heaven to ear…
Behind her lively expressions, lay the keys to life.
My heart beats to the batter of her eyes.
My soul stirs at the rhythm of her breath.
She is my life… and without her I cannot live…

Her eyes hold the world.
Her touch holds the warmth of the sun.
Her voice chimes and darkness is eradicated.
Why must my heart be hers? Does but a fool bind his soul to another?
Who am I, but a fool?

To breathe you is my way to wisdom.
To hold you is my journey to understanding.
I seek you… through all the numerous things.
Through the golds, the jewels, and all matters of worldly powers –
I seek nothing but my Love.
And to me, there is nothing but her…

The flawlessness of a diamond only exposes its sterility.
The purity of a child only exposes its inexperience.
The perfect woman has the brilliance of a diamond, but the means of growth.
She has the purity of a child, but the wisdom to discern truth…

Every piece of you is my bread and breath… you, S, are my life.

– Q, written 12/8/19

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Love Letter Excerpt: 11/11/19

Know everywhere you see the sky, I will not abandon you… just as I see the sun, the moon and the stars and know that your light never flees me. Our love is a matter of spirit. So no bounds, nor even time or space can capture it. It is forever and unending. Infinite and all encompassing.

I hope these words help you to embrace my spirit a little more easily tonight, and though you may not read them until later, tonight I hope you can rest in them… telepathic bubble power and shit. 🙂

– Q, Excerpt from letter 11/11/19

I didn’t get to read this letter until tonight. And tonight was when I needed it. I was under a lot of stress and was feeling a bit hopeless for a lot of reasons. And yet somehow, he’s always there when I need him. Always matching my energy and saying the things I need to hear, even when he’s not here.

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S: Light Speed (The Expression)

Light speed.
We are light speed;
Forever traveling by the speed of light.
Forever traveling by the speed of a love rekindled –
By a light that never burns out.
Moving faster than a reason to run, or a reason to doubt.

My god of love and meee, running free;
Chasing a destined love for eternity.
Forever and ever at a pace unknown to man,
Living and loving as fast as we can.
Cheering at the finish line like a race that’s already won.
Chasing the feeling of a button, undone.
Connecting like a music note to a beat of a drum –
Descending on a mountain on a search for our kingdom.

Light speed, like a falling star from the sky made of you and I…
And landing on an unlimited supply
Of love and undying passion that’ll never end.
My person, now and forever again.

Light speed, because it’s us and it’s what we do…
When a love like ours is faithful and true…
Loyal and willing to carry out any task,
Revealing all that’s real and peeling back any masks –
Be it visible or deep in a dark place in the mind.
Absolving all mentions of time…

Time
is what we have and what we fear,
Even though this rush-lag is exhausting, we’re right here.
Here forever and just for now,
In the past, and the moment we seal this vow.
…Your hands in mine, just like the first time we met.
When we were two souls with zero regret.
Living life like we’d never forget,
And declaring love like we weren’t sure yet.

Light speed, one second at a time
because spirits don’t have a time-line.
That’s what the next life is for,
So I’m thanking the universe for giving US more.
Giving US a moment to explore
Ourselves… individually and together
Today, tomorrow, and eventually forever.

Light speed –
because we move like we always have.
Through years and decades and centuries,
Through miles, elements, and galaxies.
Through wavelengths upon wavelengths,
Knowledge and intelligence,
Growth and development.
Trees and roots,
Earth and water,
Life and love
And love and life.

We are light speed;
We’ve BEEN light speed.
Traveling like a love reincarnated –
Over and over again; it’s not complicated.
Leaps and bounds forever to find our way back to each other.
Each and everyday, engaged in one another.
Chasing the stars and the light…
That never burns out.
Running fasterrrr
than a reason to doubt.

-S, written 11/6

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