Q: Love, is a puzzle.

I was sitting around reading some of Q’s old (JPay) letters we shared when we first reconnected a couple years ago. We were going back and forth about whether or not what we shared back then was love or lust. We went back and forth a bit and he shared something with me that I read now and realize that he has always been TRUE. That his motives and his feelings and his… I don’t know! He was literally sweeping me off my feet and I didn’t even know it.

A Quick Synopsis of Love:
To best describe love, I would use the analogy of a puzzle… at first, the picture is created as a whole, then it is cut into individual pieces with unique shapes that entail exactly where they belong, and what other pieces they belong with in order to complete the entire picture…

“If you love someone, then you got to let them go…” Truly, if you loved someone, then you never really possessed them in the first place. People make the fatal mistake of believing they control everything; and to a degree, they are correct. But love is a force of nature and beyond one’s control. Our shapes were determined by the creator of the puzzle.
You should not question yourself about it: “Am I in love?.”

I used to try and force thoughts out of you, and feelings out. Mostly, I was successful… but I could never eliminate you from my heart, and therefore my mind… I figured we belong. That’s without question. To me, that force of nature is not something to fight against, but something to fight for…

– QMP, 5/17/2018

I just… my heart. Everything he said, is exactly what we have now. It’s really magical.

Q: NOT Home For the Holidays (Redux)

Prison is not the ideal place for spending the holiday season. Disgruntled inmates treat the holidays with either contempt or disregard. For the last 12 years of my incarceration, I opted for the latter. However, I feel the next few though will be different… now that I have S….

We’d been talking for only a few months. Had some face-to-face time, and solidified a higher level in our relationship. Deciding to carry on a relationship given the condition is a monumental choice; and backed by the pressures of the holiday season to “be together…” let’s just say our first holiday season couldn’t have been foreseen.

S loves to travel… which for a slightly over-protective individual like myself, being unable to be “there” for her, is very troubling… but life persists…

Thanksgiving, S travelled to her mother’s house: a nice driving distance away from home. We try our best to stay connected via phone, especially when she’s traveling. Even though it doesn’t necessarily change the way we communicate for the majority, its like I can feel when she’s not home… I get the same deep sinking feeling…

Even when I know S made it to her destination, the feeling remains. The holidays is about family… and to have her around hers, yet splitting the difference on the phone with me, seems wrong. So I try to avoid it… What seems to be a vacation and a time for embracing to everyone else, is more of a time for restriction and limitation for S and I. Which is okay, because it’s real.

Sometimes, I fear that our relationship won’t be as strong because it’ll lack “real world experience.” Like its staged in a fantastic play, where negatives are often hidden in an array of flowery words unaided by presence. But when those moments arise where you can feel strain, you can’t deny that you are being tried. Strangely, that brings me a sense of relief…

Of course I can’t wait to “be with” S for the holidays. As I have told her multiple times, she IS my family. The visions of us cooking, sharing, loving, and thoroughly enjoying the season are hard, but motivating. A few more holiday seasons dot our path to one day being free together, bringing in the holidays…

Until then though, I guess there is something special to learn of our love and the holidays. We just have to remain open and receptive to the wisdom the times and the trials have to offer us in our life now, and in our future…

Q, written 1/5/20
(Read the S version here)

Q: When You Give Your Heart

When you give someone else your heart, they literally become your life…

…All my joy resides in a smile of a single soul.
Her laughter brings heaven to ear…
Behind her lively expressions, lay the keys to life.
My heart beats to the batter of her eyes.
My soul stirs at the rhythm of her breath.
She is my life… and without her I cannot live…

Her eyes hold the world.
Her touch holds the warmth of the sun.
Her voice chimes and darkness is eradicated.
Why must my heart be hers? Does but a fool bind his soul to another?
Who am I, but a fool?

To breathe you is my way to wisdom.
To hold you is my journey to understanding.
I seek you… through all the numerous things.
Through the golds, the jewels, and all matters of worldly powers –
I seek nothing but my Love.
And to me, there is nothing but her…

The flawlessness of a diamond only exposes its sterility.
The purity of a child only exposes its inexperience.
The perfect woman has the brilliance of a diamond, but the means of growth.
She has the purity of a child, but the wisdom to discern truth…

Every piece of you is my bread and breath… you, S, are my life.

– Q, written 12/8/19

Q: Character

All people seek JOY.

One is motivated into action by their search for happiness. All of their actions are committed solely to fill that desire for joy.

Whether its the temporary escape from the sufferings of a cruel reality, an outlet which allows one to express or impress, one’s self upon said reality; or an act which allows one to better define one’s self, and better understand life. ALL actions root from that desire. Without desire, freewill has no direction.

Overall, one seeks joy. Mere men find evil in their joy. But evils aren’t in the search for it, but in its finding… it is not the want of joy, but what BRINGS joy that determines good and evil, righteous and wrong.

If man desires good, and selflessness brings one joy, then one is a good and righteous one. But if one desires wrong-doing and enjoys evils, then one is an evil and unrighteous one…

-Q, written 11/24/19

Q: America’s Child

The first time I was introduced to the concept of being a “Child of America,” I was in my freestyling with a few guys in here. We started listening to a Tupac Shakur track that had began with an interview. Pac stated, “I’m your child America, you just can’t throw me away like that!” Immediately, I felt it. I understood it.

Previous to that occurrence, I had never considered the intricate part that the government may have played in the degradation of its own citizens…

Currently, being incarcerated – but determined to transcend my long standing past as a misguided black man in America, I took heavily to educating myself. I gravitated toward subjects like psychology, sociology, economics, and political science. Between these subjects, I gained a greater understanding for society systemically, and revealed to myself the extent of governmental responsibility in the design of society, its social structures. It plays a key role in the success, or lack thereof, in the case of its citizens.

Just as I was not able to select to whom I was born, but love as an essential part of myself, I was unable to select to where I was born as well. But I am a patriot. I love America and consider myself a firm believer in its ideals of unity and equality.

Though I am a black man, and historically have more reasons than not to be suspect-able to the contrary, I, myself, do not take to the ideology that humankind is naturally evil. Nor do I subscribe to the notion that our leaders purposely design social structures to oppress any specific group of peoples.

Now, as I pace the corridors of the prison pods, I see great disparities in race and social status that is unavoidable. Could this be a product of a purposeful design I failed to recognize, or a deeply shameful neglect? Either or, there are people suffering. A great number of those people have grown up in the ‘Free World’ knowing nothing other than that suffering. Suffering, poverty, impoverished communities; and every bit of strife associated with such states… Criminal gangs, below standard schooling, and environments non-conducive to the development and cultivation of its youth… of its children…

Many of those children are in my demographic; populating the fenced in yards of the prison grounds littering the lands of the free, we know nothing more than what America has taught us. Miseducations and all… though we are taught that the American will is forged all the way down to its most lowly of citizens, it is evident that our governing body has some extent of responsibility to the state of its citizens as a whole… for we are its children…

-Q, Written 10/20/19

The Goddess of Life (Written by Q)

As men in my time most often do,
I have found my encased in lonesome solitude…
and within its hollows echoed a still sound…
S… she is the Goddess of Life.
She is warmth, she is light, she is all that is good to a man…

I asked, for what is good to a man that he lives? For days are hot then cold and forever spinning…

The voice replied…

“What brings men to wake?”

Is it not the warmth of life’s embrace?
She is soul’s fire… lit and burning bright with vitality.

“What brings men to see?”

Not by touch of light, nor shine of the sun and stars.
She is day’s light… she is a thousand stars…

By what great grace, am I so fourtunate to know her body so intimate? To breathe her air so vigorously…

S, the Goddess of Life… I am refreshed and full of you…

– Written by Q, for S, his goddess.

Q: Defining (Part 5) – Loyalty

What is finer than truth? Who can judge one of honor, and of code? Only the simple heap curses upon a loyal man…

Loyalty is the reflection of godhood. And of all the virtues, it is one of supremacy.

Great power cannot hold true without great discipline. Who can say he has strength, but exemplifies no sense of order? What is true does not break. What is strong does not yield. Even if one loses their body, one’s honor, integrity, and righteousness shall preserve them for the life beyond this one.

As all things hold true to their time and place, so too should one hold true to their word and code. Loyalty, discipline, honor – these attributes reflect the will of the true.

Betrayers take fear as their god. And to it, they sacrifice themselves to the gods of death. But one who remains true, shall enjoy everlasting life…

– Your Loved One, Q

This is the last of the ‘Defining’ series. Take a look at all of the parts of the series by clicking here.

Q: Defining (Part 4) – Knowledge

~Knowledge – Humans’ ability to obtain, circulate, compare, and collect it has shaped the world of the past into the world of today.

Knowledge is the cornerstone of an individual’s life and the key to their godhood. Through the scope of what one knows, is the edge of one’s world, and thus the limit of their rule. Without knowledge, there is no freedom. Who can exercise their will when they know not what they will against, nor for?

Do not be sluggish in your efforts to acquire knowledge. For knowledge is the gateway to heaven; and bridges the gap between god and human, life and death, power and weakness. To know and understand is unmatchable by any, and should be sought by all. To bring light to the deepest, darkest recesses of a human soul and reveal an omnipotent capable of power beyond measure.

Knowledge presents itself in an infinitude of forms. But amongst the myriad of these distinctions, one may find the source and center of all. Here, resides a knowledge that governed life; preceding the conception of what we comprehend as existence.
The knowledge reveals the hidden mechanisms which make life possible – the blueprint of its inner design and infrastructure.
This knowledge, contrived before material existence, encompasses every single aspect of the universe. To possess it, is to possess the omniscient mind of the creator.

– Your Loved One, Q

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