Category: From S

Occasional notes from the sites’s editor/manager, S.

S: Channeling Spiritual Love

This past weekend at visit, I noticed something on Q’s hand as we sat down after a warm embrace. It was a ring around his pinky, seemingly made of wood. It was brown with some beautiful flaws. He gave it to me and told me a guy made it for him a while back. Said he wanted me to have something of his.

I was immediately grateful; especially when I left him. I pulled it out of my pocket. It magically fit my left ring finger.

After thinking about it for a while and talking to him about the ring, I had an epiphany about it’s meaning. And somehow, he shared something very similar with me in a note before I was able to see it.

Our ring… wood torn from the tree… but forever connected…

– Q, 10/28/19

This ring represents our spiritual love. Our spiritual connection.

With our ring, I am reminded to stay grounded, and present. I am reminded that we are constantly growing. Slow, but steady and intentional. I am reminded that you and I are longevity, as years and years pass while we still stand steady. Tall and timeless. Trees change with the season. But they never fall down in the face of the coldest winters or the hottest summers. Never falling in the face of hurricanes or storms. Persevering it all. 

I am reminded that our love is shelter, always. And that we are spiritually connected at all times. Now, then, forever.

-S

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S: What does it mean to have a love that’s forever?

Oh; What does it mean to have a love that’s forever?

A life of love that survives all obstacles, and makes me better.

What does it mean to have a love that lets me be creative,

whether its good or bad; practiced or forgotten.

What does it mean to have a love that lets me make mistakes,

but never lets me be less than my best.

What does it mean to have a love that makes me beautiful,

no matter what I’m wearing, how many pounds I’m gaining, or how much make up I’m saving.

What does it mean to have a love that speaks truth with every word,

no matter how unbelievable it may seem.

To have faith that is endless.

What does it mean to have a love that listens, even when I’m not talking.

…to have a love that moves me, even when I’m not walking.

What does it mean to have a love that lives in every single moment,

whether the

five senses can sense it

or not.

What does it mean to have a love with a mind of its own?

What does it mean to have a love that lives all around, in every object, every molecule, every thought.

What does it mean to have a love that time can’t shape?…

That time can’t break and time can’t shake? Having a love that can’t wait –

Because it doesn’t have to.

It means THIS love is fate,

And life’s what we make.

– S, for Q, Written 10/22/19

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The God of Love (Written by S)

While women search high and low,
Following mind before heart,
I found myself becoming a non-believer…
Then Q… the God of Love, he called to me.
He is trust, strength, and healing – the purest form of spirit known to womanhood.

I asked, what is healing to a woman if she loves? For emotions are meant to be up, and down, and up again…

A voice whispered…

What brings doubtless trust?
Not only being heard, but listened to? Responds with empathy, without judgment.
He is understanding without effort. Speaking only the language of two individual hearts.

What brings boundless faith and believing what you can’t see?
He is spirit and only viewed through the eyes of the soul.

By what fortune have I been given to feel you unconditionally? To know how I could never let you go…

Q, the God of Love… I am enamored and full of you…

– Written by S, for Q, a response to The Goddess of Life
(10.10.19)

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S: Achieving Greatness Through Love

Yesterday, we got a national holiday visit. 3 hours of bliss holding hands and talking face to face. Recharging the bubble and reminding each other of true love, by only looking into each other’s eyes.

I remember not knowing what true love was; but getting to know Q again and remembering how we were back then quickly brought me back to that point.

Today, I thought of the quality of love it takes to feel invincible. To be able to feel like you can do anything just by knowing and feeling and understanding how rare it is to be exposed to this form of power outside of a family relationship. It’s a beautiful thing. It reminded me that it’s important for us ALL to feel that way in our relationships.

Does your significant other enable you to achieve greatness? Why or why not?

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S: Light Speed.

We were talking this morning about our future. About how hard this time will be for us.

Q mentioned something about us never being friends in the 12 years we’ve known each other. It’s true. Even as kids, we were zero to one hundred. Instantly in love. Instantly dramatic and full of intensity that was unavoidable. Instantly indebted to each other.

Now is no different. The way we have reconnected has been a quick process, but it hasn’t stopped us from moving as quickly as we naturally do. This time we have to do together, will be a true testament to our will and patience.

-S

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September’s Mantra

Through meditation and conversation, Q and I have been adopting a few words into the way we walk, talk, and think about life and love.

Establishing peace in our situation. Focusing on the present moment and experiencing everything for what it is. And remaining joyful and positive with every intention, whether it be word or thought.

Namaste.

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S: The Little Things

Q and I have been seeing each other once every two weeks for the last month.

The first time I went to the prison, it had been the first time we’d seen each other in 12 years. It was almost like neither of us had changed. I was nervous of course, and a little off-put, as I had to wait over 3 hours before I was able to get my moment with him. But it was a moment like no other, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

This weekend was the 3rd time I’d been there. The bubble hangover was real, and the focus on the little things really started to take form for me.

When you have a restricted relationship – such as the one between Q and I, you really have to find ways to cherish the moments you have together, and the moments apart.

With communication becoming so on-demand these days, it’s become apparent that people are easy access. Social media allows us all to check up on each other, without ever reaching out. To make false connections in an instant and interpret words and emotions without a second thought. As people, we really have to become mindful of how we think of other individuals in context of ourselves in order to connect. That’s how Q and I have developed our path to feeling complete in one another.

When we’re speaking, it’s like dating. Spending time together, admiring talking about nothing, or talking about everything. Being very conscious of honesty and details. Trying to guess the facial expressions of one another. Enjoying being right and wrong about it. Enjoying the moods we’re in each day and hour, letting it influence our conversations.

His letters have become the pillow talk we’d have in the morning, and at night. They’re my safety net when I want to feel closer to him at any moment.

When we are holding hands, each subtle movement of an index finger to a palm becomes a physical ‘I love you.’

When we are locking eyes in the visitation room, there’s a thin line between purely feeling love, and making love.

Touching each others faces in silence becomes the way our souls slow dance, with their eyes closed, knowing that true love is among them.

My heart is definitely worried everything is too good to be true. But I try to stay present babe. Stay present in the moment and enjoy the Love we’re giving to one another each day.

– S, excerpt from Letter to Q 9/16/19

I’ve learned to start appreciating carrying Q everywhere I go, in my heart. Staying present and grateful for the time we’ve spent together. The things that remind me of him – including places I’ve been while talking to him, various music, random words, post-it notes on my desk, etc. I smile and remember that I am loved like no one else. That I am special in his eyes. That he’s out there being comforted by my love at every moment, just as I am by his. And that all of the little things matter.

-S

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S: Revisiting My Meditation Journey

This weekend has been trying, as we have endured some challenges with grasping what it means to manage the various and plentiful emotions that come along with our situation.

In the minutes we’ve had this morning speaking, I mentioned the difficulties that come along with thinking of him when I’m in certain places. Feelings of missing him, anger at the fact that he’s away, regret in allowing his presence to be in that space, anxiety. Pure anxiety.

He reminded me that I am not my mind or my thoughts and that it’s okay to feel those feelings. That thinking makes me human, and when I stop thinking I stop living. That my mind isn’t who I am.

About a few hours later, I went to a yoga class and the teacher happened to say something along the lines of “remember, you are not your thoughts,” proving further that the universe wanted to show me something today. To have patience with myself and my situation.

In our conversations today, we highlighted the themes of the weekend to be: presence and balance.

With so much talk about the future, sometimes we forget what it means to take each other for what we are today, and not just what we will be. We’ve also been working on our constant love and life balance, trying to make sure we remain disciplined and fully understanding of each of our situations. Managing how many phone calls we have and how to make the most of our time. Just overall being mindful.

In short, I believe that spending some time meditating more often will help me become more present in my thoughts. I’ve been using an app as a beginner, on and off for a while. But now, having Q to give me tips, pointers, and inspiration to continue my path to a more manageable mind, I feel confident that I can achieve it.

-S

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