A collection of insights, stories, and letters between two kindred souls, balancing love and life. S, and Q, who’s been incarcerated since 2008. We’re writers, passionate creators, and hopeless romantics, inspiring each other and those around us every day.
Through meditation and conversation, Q and I have been adopting a few words into the way we walk, talk, and think about life and love.
Establishing peace in our situation. Focusing on the present moment and experiencing everything for what it is. And remaining joyful and positive with every intention, whether it be word or thought.
Namaste.
“I’m starting to realize that this theme park were in (it’s definitely called the Boundless Balance theme park btw) – I’ve been spending so much time trying not to get on the rides you know? It’s been something that’s been challenging since March 2018 when we reconnected. Trying to avoid these rides. Knowing that they’re highly rated and that they’re thrilling and addicting and fun and worth it. But letting myself walk by them in the past… I’m realizing now that riding them is so much more fun. So much more real. A little scary but just like any good roller coaster, bumper cars, waterslides, etc., I never regret taking that ride. And I wanna wait in line for however long, to ride that shit again. Everytime. You are the only man I want to ride these rides with. Making everything heightened. All of my senses, my purpose, my heart my mind my spirit – ALL OF IT.”
– SDN
“Yeah a theme park… I can go for that. So much adventure. But only for those who dare brave the rides… we are taking them with great strides. yeah we go head first into a lot of those gates without knowing what the signs say, but shit, thats a part of the magic. And the rides only catch you off guard once. Then, they offer nothing but welcomed whirls and twirls, dashes and dips and all devices to bring excitement and exhilaration to the riders.”
– QMP
– Excerpt from 9/18/19, Letter #2 from Q
The moment we begin to feel the internal self grow under the simplest gaze, touch, or whisper of another – we start to know Love’s primary function in the development of humankind…
After years of confining my heart and mind into an even tighter realm than my prison cell offered, a whisper graced my thoughts in the depths of my meditation. It beckoned me to seek love once more…
I hoped and prayed that fortune would deliver me the chance to love again as greatly as I had once before. Being closed for so long, doors began to build a reluctance to opening again. My fear appeared; though I may rediscover love once more, it may only be a glimmer of the great shine it once held… but fortune favors…
S, my archetype of love came back into view of my heart. From there, my internal self tremored, shook, gladdened, and grew…
What so long ago awakened me to a new frontier of self was able to be forgotten amongst the rubble of a scorned & broken past. It had returned, rekindled, and began its reconstruction of my being…
S, a spring of pure love. She’s the advent of the sun of my soul. She made it to me – through the myriad of things that continue to obstruct life’s essence from the eye and the source of any modern man’s strife.
But our dance ensues. Doubts double over. Fears of folly take presidency. Flights of fancy. We endeavor deeper. Brightness begins to break through the clouds. Love gains it’s full gait. Stillness moves and the world tilts on its’ side…
My sight – that seemingly saw so much, it has been shown to see nothing. Oh, how love rearranges the world, rights the eye, and loses the mind…
– Your Loved One, Q (Written 9/17/19)
Q and I have been seeing each other once every two weeks for the last month.
The first time I went to the prison, it had been the first time we’d seen each other in 12 years. It was almost like neither of us had changed. I was nervous of course, and a little off-put, as I had to wait over 3 hours before I was able to get my moment with him. But it was a moment like no other, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
This weekend was the 3rd time I’d been there. The bubble hangover was real, and the focus on the little things really started to take form for me.
When you have a restricted relationship – such as the one between Q and I, you really have to find ways to cherish the moments you have together, and the moments apart.
With communication becoming so on-demand these days, it’s become apparent that people are easy access. Social media allows us all to check up on each other, without ever reaching out. To make false connections in an instant and interpret words and emotions without a second thought. As people, we really have to become mindful of how we think of other individuals in context of ourselves in order to connect. That’s how Q and I have developed our path to feeling complete in one another.
When we’re speaking, it’s like dating. Spending time together, admiring talking about nothing, or talking about everything. Being very conscious of honesty and details. Trying to guess the facial expressions of one another. Enjoying being right and wrong about it. Enjoying the moods we’re in each day and hour, letting it influence our conversations.
His letters have become the pillow talk we’d have in the morning, and at night. They’re my safety net when I want to feel closer to him at any moment.
When we are holding hands, each subtle movement of an index finger to a palm becomes a physical ‘I love you.’
When we are locking eyes in the visitation room, there’s a thin line between purely feeling love, and making love.
Touching each others faces in silence becomes the way our souls slow dance, with their eyes closed, knowing that true love is among them.
My heart is definitely worried everything is too good to be true. But I try to stay present babe. Stay present in the moment and enjoy the Love we’re giving to one another each day.
– S, excerpt from Letter to Q 9/16/19
I’ve learned to start appreciating carrying Q everywhere I go, in my heart. Staying present and grateful for the time we’ve spent together. The things that remind me of him – including places I’ve been while talking to him, various music, random words, post-it notes on my desk, etc. I smile and remember that I am loved like no one else. That I am special in his eyes. That he’s out there being comforted by my love at every moment, just as I am by his. And that all of the little things matter.
-S
Excerpt: Letter from Q, 9/4/19
“What are the odds… that true love would be found? Amongst the non-stop surface of the Earth, where man finds himself multiplied by the millions. Distinct souls trek boundlessly through life… seeking and exploring… not even knowing what to look for. But alas – two unique souls, through the throes of fate and fortune, will find exactly what they sought in the heart and mind of one another…”
Your Loved One, Q 