Tag: ourconversations

Q + S: How Loving Yourself, Can Equal Finding Love

Q and I talk a lot about self love, and the true love we have with one another. When we were working on the ‘100 Reasons I Love You’ writing we did for eachother over Valentine’s Day, we both mentioned how we wanted to find things about eachother that didn’t have to do with ourselves.

Some people say you can’t love others because they love you, but we say why not? The true love you seek lies within you.

Take a look at a letter Q wrote, sharing his perspective on how it’s okay to love your significant other because they love you.

“I woke up this morning thinking of you and how much I love you. It’s A LOT. It’s funny you spoke on loving me because I love you and loving the part of yourself that you see in me. I thought about that same very exact thing. I thought about the way you remind me of my mother first. Then, I was like – well she reminds of my sister too. and Then I was like… well duh, they both are my relatives, so I love them because they are a reflection of me. 🙂 And think about this infinite model of love… I love you because you love me (not solely because of that, but yeah)… and your love makes me love me more, which in turn make me love you more, which also in turn makes you love me more and the cycle continues on your side of the cycle and on and on…

I don’t necessarily think loving someone because you resonate with the ‘you’ inside of them is a bad thing. On the real, I think that’s the a true means of cultivating our intense type love. It not loving you because you love me per say, its more a love for you based on a self-love. That sounds like a very healthy basis for building a very healthy love, right? That’s why saying we love US is so profound and depicts a deeper aspect of our bubble and its perspective…

I did also acknowledge our differences. Propagated mostly by our upbringing and difference in experience. Which I think is awesome. Two whole halves starting at different points to ascertain life in depth. Just like having two eyes operating in tandem to capture the third dimension… I love nature and its wisdom. And I know you do too. :)”

– Q, excerpt from hand-written letter to S, 2/16/20

When you spend time focusing on loving yourself, you start to see the quality of love you deserve. Not only that, but you start to recognize all the things you love about yourself. This then starts to reveal the things you love about others. It truly starts with the self.

– S

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S+Q: When we see eachother.

Every time we go to visit, we always write to each other about how we’re feeling afterward. Something about it all is timeless, and unpacks what love means. I thought I’d share the love of our messages, just in time for Valentines.

Baby, every time we take center stage, I’m reminded of why I love you like I do. Everything you are… loving, smiling, laughing, and joyous. My light. The light of my light. I’m holding back a misty eye right now. You know when I wiped a tear on your left hand today… do you know what I was thinking when the tear came? I was thinking about how great you are… I don’t know how its supposed to feel. But I think this is it… I’m sure of it. Love wrapped in flesh…

– Q

“We’ve really always been this way, baby. Silly and fun and a little spontaneous. Dancing and singing and making shit up. Laughing and egging each other on. In that old video of us when we were 19, I’m making fun of you and hyping you up at the same time and laughing. There’s so much love in it and it’s clear you’re doing it to entertain yourself as much as you’re entertaining me. And that’s exactly how we are now. Having fun just because. I love it when we embarrass ourselves and each other because that’s just us and it’s our beautiful and corny love shining with no dullness in sight.”

– S

“S, we are given the chance to have love the way we want it. Unfiltered, pure, and true. We don’t have to be other people. We are us… people that aren’t too easy to understand… and yet, we understand each other… and love one another…”

– Q
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S: You Teach Me, and I’ll Teach You

– Doodle by Q, 1/22/20

Babe and I have spent January connecting on our childhoods. While it’s a subject we’ve built in prior years and months of our time together, it means so much more now.

We found a similar love in Pokémon. Telling stories of middle school. Playing games, trading cards. Talking about memories of our friends and family connections. We sang the theme song together at visitation; it felt like it was only the two of us.

Yeah. Us singing Pokémon together was the highlight of my day this visit was one of the best so far. I could see it… us and our forever. I could see it clearly today. And looking in your face and seeing that beautiful smile and the face of my love…

– Q, 1/21/20

We also shared our love of Parappa the Rapper. Sang some lyrics together from the game and recalled our favorite boards.

There’s something about the past that helps mend futures. While it’s long gone, it builds lifetime connection through good and bad times. Knowing your partner’s childhood – no matter how much it differs from yours – can truly create deeper understanding.

Ask your significant other – ‘Tell me something I don’t know about you from your childhood?’ Then sit back, and enjoy.

– S

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Q+S: Contemplation of the Week

Q and I are starting a new thing for the year, Contemplation of the Week. It’s a quote or thought we find during the week, that we can document, write down, think about, and implement into our lives. For week one, we picked a quote that I happened to find on a tea bag. We decided to write about it. We may do so from time to time… and maybe post it. ❤️

WEEK ONE:

Earth laughs in flowers.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

S: “There was a point in time when he used to always call me his flower. Delicate, beautiful, pure, and joyful. His flower.

Knowing that I am his light, and one of his biggest reasons, it scared me to feel it and see it. It also filled me with purpose and care to a level that I failed to see on my own. It effortlessly fuels the way he loves me.

I know that the earth is full of them – flowers. But a lot of them only spring in the spring. They are rare, but plentiful; like the frequency of comedy. Where there is joy, there is laughter. Where there is earth, there are flowers. Flowers are joy.

Earth will always produce that beauty for as long as there is soil, as long as there is water, as long as there is sun. Flowers cannot bloom without the nurturing of what is constant and what is true. The same goes for love.”

Q: “Living and breathing, the earth is a being equipped with its own soul and character. No different from any other organism.

What does it mean for one to laugh? A joyous reflex imprinted onto the innate operations of the soul. Our laughter signifies our joy. You could say it is the only moniker of a pure elation. The earth exemplifies its joy through the vessel of flowers. If one takes the time to really contemplate the flower, they may find all the joys of the earth, for themselves.”

Q: When You Give Your Heart

When you give someone else your heart, they literally become your life…

…All my joy resides in a smile of a single soul.
Her laughter brings heaven to ear…
Behind her lively expressions, lay the keys to life.
My heart beats to the batter of her eyes.
My soul stirs at the rhythm of her breath.
She is my life… and without her I cannot live…

Her eyes hold the world.
Her touch holds the warmth of the sun.
Her voice chimes and darkness is eradicated.
Why must my heart be hers? Does but a fool bind his soul to another?
Who am I, but a fool?

To breathe you is my way to wisdom.
To hold you is my journey to understanding.
I seek you… through all the numerous things.
Through the golds, the jewels, and all matters of worldly powers –
I seek nothing but my Love.
And to me, there is nothing but her…

The flawlessness of a diamond only exposes its sterility.
The purity of a child only exposes its inexperience.
The perfect woman has the brilliance of a diamond, but the means of growth.
She has the purity of a child, but the wisdom to discern truth…

Every piece of you is my bread and breath… you, S, are my life.

– Q, written 12/8/19

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Love Letter Excerpt: 11/1/19

I feel like the universe has been training us to be ready to for this type of love… so we can appreciate it fully. So it could be strong enough to withstand this life and the time beyond. We’re so special and our situation is designed to prove that. To “prove,” as gold is proved in the fire’s crucible. The purity of our love will emerge from the strife and superficial, tried and true. The fire represents the struggles of this situation and all the ones preceding it; burning away all of those doubts obstructing pure love… until only you and I remain…

– Q, Excerpt from Letter 11/1/19

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S: Light Speed.

We were talking this morning about our future. About how hard this time will be for us.

Q mentioned something about us never being friends in the 12 years we’ve known each other. It’s true. Even as kids, we were zero to one hundred. Instantly in love. Instantly dramatic and full of intensity that was unavoidable. Instantly indebted to each other.

Now is no different. The way we have reconnected has been a quick process, but it hasn’t stopped us from moving as quickly as we naturally do. This time we have to do together, will be a true testament to our will and patience.

-S

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A roller coaster.

“I’m starting to realize that this theme park were in (it’s definitely called the Boundless Balance theme park btw) – I’ve been spending so much time trying not to get on the rides you know? It’s been something that’s been challenging since March 2018 when we reconnected. Trying to avoid these rides. Knowing that they’re highly rated and that they’re thrilling and addicting and fun and worth it. But letting myself walk by them in the past… I’m realizing now that riding them is so much more fun. So much more real. A little scary but just like any good roller coaster, bumper cars, waterslides, etc., I never regret taking that ride. And I wanna wait in line for however long, to ride that shit again. Everytime. You are the only man I want to ride these rides with. Making everything heightened. All of my senses, my purpose, my heart my mind my spirit – ALL OF IT.”

– SDN

“Yeah a theme park… I can go for that. So much adventure. But only for those who dare brave the rides… we are taking them with great strides. yeah we go head first into a lot of those gates without knowing what the signs say, but shit, thats a part of the magic. And the rides only catch you off guard once. Then, they offer nothing but welcomed whirls and twirls, dashes and dips and all devices to bring excitement and exhilaration to the riders.”

– QMP
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Q: Meditation…

I, myself was introduced to meditation in the early years of my incarceration, and continued the practice for over 10 years now. I have experienced many forms and approaches to meditation; and currently, I peruse each form that I am fortunate to know, from time to time. (That’s apart of one of my own personally designed approaches in itself :)), but in any case, it all begins with a more conventional approach – ‘mental stilling.’

I’ve found that meditation can produce great benefits mentally, but the rate at which one can receive them is closely related to how well they can silence the already ingrained ego that has taken hold of the mind… and that takes more than practice. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery as well – quieting the personality we’ve created over time to protect us, in a very strange and dangerous seeming world.

To me, centering the self is only gaining a perspective that initially acknowledges the ego as separate from the true self. Then, it moves on to the formation of the spiritual body and its senses.

As the spirit develops, so does the mental and physical life benefit. Once a practitioner gains the spiritual body, they are initiated on their own path where they will discover the higher, more hidden planes that comprise the reality we know. They’ll fin spiritual planes such as love, truth, justice, and so on… finding and becoming their own masters.

This, to me, is the purpose of my meditation practice and remains the path of my spiritual journey…

– Your Loved One, Q
Written 9/9/19

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S: Revisiting My Meditation Journey

This weekend has been trying, as we have endured some challenges with grasping what it means to manage the various and plentiful emotions that come along with our situation.

In the minutes we’ve had this morning speaking, I mentioned the difficulties that come along with thinking of him when I’m in certain places. Feelings of missing him, anger at the fact that he’s away, regret in allowing his presence to be in that space, anxiety. Pure anxiety.

He reminded me that I am not my mind or my thoughts and that it’s okay to feel those feelings. That thinking makes me human, and when I stop thinking I stop living. That my mind isn’t who I am.

About a few hours later, I went to a yoga class and the teacher happened to say something along the lines of “remember, you are not your thoughts,” proving further that the universe wanted to show me something today. To have patience with myself and my situation.

In our conversations today, we highlighted the themes of the weekend to be: presence and balance.

With so much talk about the future, sometimes we forget what it means to take each other for what we are today, and not just what we will be. We’ve also been working on our constant love and life balance, trying to make sure we remain disciplined and fully understanding of each of our situations. Managing how many phone calls we have and how to make the most of our time. Just overall being mindful.

In short, I believe that spending some time meditating more often will help me become more present in my thoughts. I’ve been using an app as a beginner, on and off for a while. But now, having Q to give me tips, pointers, and inspiration to continue my path to a more manageable mind, I feel confident that I can achieve it.

-S

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