September’s Mantra

Through meditation and conversation, Q and I have been adopting a few words into the way we walk, talk, and think about life and love.

Establishing peace in our situation. Focusing on the present moment and experiencing everything for what it is. And remaining joyful and positive with every intention, whether it be word or thought.


Q: The Personality, and the Individuality

Some say the ‘personality’ and the ‘individuality’ are one in the same. But the reality is… personality is what we want others to see and think about us. While the individuality is what your soul prays and hopes for and what it truly desires. It’s what you truly and deeply ARE. The two are not one as objects, but they must be one. The mind, body, and soul must be one in purpose and aim.

When one is one with oneself, the personality and the individuality are in harmony. Some people are naturally one, while others may achieve this ‘oneness’ through disciplines, efforts, and applying an ideal in every department of action and thought.

There are few people that really enjoy the company of themselves. Its not merely because they lack love from themselves any less, but the thoughts and emotions of the body are seldom in accord with one another. Their personality and individuality are not in harmony. They are not one. Thus, they don’t reflect the same shadow in the mirror of life…

– Your Loved One, Q

Written 9/18/19

S: The Little Things

Q and I have been seeing each other once every two weeks for the last month.

The first time I went to the prison, it had been the first time we’d seen each other in 12 years. It was almost like neither of us had changed. I was nervous of course, and a little off-put, as I had to wait over 3 hours before I was able to get my moment with him. But it was a moment like no other, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

This weekend was the 3rd time I’d been there. The bubble hangover was real, and the focus on the little things really started to take form for me.

When you have a restricted relationship – such as the one between Q and I, you really have to find ways to cherish the moments you have together, and the moments apart.

With communication becoming so on-demand these days, it’s become apparent that people are easy access. Social media allows us all to check up on each other, without ever reaching out. To make false connections in an instant and interpret words and emotions without a second thought. As people, we really have to become mindful of how we think of other individuals in context of ourselves in order to connect. That’s how Q and I have developed our path to feeling complete in one another.

When we’re speaking, it’s like dating. Spending time together, admiring talking about nothing, or talking about everything. Being very conscious of honesty and details. Trying to guess the facial expressions of one another. Enjoying being right and wrong about it. Enjoying the moods we’re in each day and hour, letting it influence our conversations.

His letters have become the pillow talk we’d have in the morning, and at night. They’re my safety net when I want to feel closer to him at any moment.

When we are holding hands, each subtle movement of an index finger to a palm becomes a physical ‘I love you.’

When we are locking eyes in the visitation room, there’s a thin line between purely feeling love, and making love.

Touching each others faces in silence becomes the way our souls slow dance, with their eyes closed, knowing that true love is among them.

My heart is definitely worried everything is too good to be true. But I try to stay present babe. Stay present in the moment and enjoy the Love we’re giving to one another each day.

– S, excerpt from Letter to Q 9/16/19

I’ve learned to start appreciating carrying Q everywhere I go, in my heart. Staying present and grateful for the time we’ve spent together. The things that remind me of him – including places I’ve been while talking to him, various music, random words, post-it notes on my desk, etc. I smile and remember that I am loved like no one else. That I am special in his eyes. That he’s out there being comforted by my love at every moment, just as I am by his. And that all of the little things matter.


Q: Meditation…

I, myself was introduced to meditation in the early years of my incarceration, and continued the practice for over 10 years now. I have experienced many forms and approaches to meditation; and currently, I peruse each form that I am fortunate to know, from time to time. (That’s apart of one of my own personally designed approaches in itself :)), but in any case, it all begins with a more conventional approach – ‘mental stilling.’

I’ve found that meditation can produce great benefits mentally, but the rate at which one can receive them is closely related to how well they can silence the already ingrained ego that has taken hold of the mind… and that takes more than practice. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery as well – quieting the personality we’ve created over time to protect us, in a very strange and dangerous seeming world.

To me, centering the self is only gaining a perspective that initially acknowledges the ego as separate from the true self. Then, it moves on to the formation of the spiritual body and its senses.

As the spirit develops, so does the mental and physical life benefit. Once a practitioner gains the spiritual body, they are initiated on their own path where they will discover the higher, more hidden planes that comprise the reality we know. They’ll fin spiritual planes such as love, truth, justice, and so on… finding and becoming their own masters.

This, to me, is the purpose of my meditation practice and remains the path of my spiritual journey…

– Your Loved One, Q
Written 9/9/19

S: Revisiting My Meditation Journey

This weekend has been trying, as we have endured some challenges with grasping what it means to manage the various and plentiful emotions that come along with our situation.

In the minutes we’ve had this morning speaking, I mentioned the difficulties that come along with thinking of him when I’m in certain places. Feelings of missing him, anger at the fact that he’s away, regret in allowing his presence to be in that space, anxiety. Pure anxiety.

He reminded me that I am not my mind or my thoughts and that it’s okay to feel those feelings. That thinking makes me human, and when I stop thinking I stop living. That my mind isn’t who I am.

About a few hours later, I went to a yoga class and the teacher happened to say something along the lines of “remember, you are not your thoughts,” proving further that the universe wanted to show me something today. To have patience with myself and my situation.

In our conversations today, we highlighted the themes of the weekend to be: presence and balance.

With so much talk about the future, sometimes we forget what it means to take each other for what we are today, and not just what we will be. We’ve also been working on our constant love and life balance, trying to make sure we remain disciplined and fully understanding of each of our situations. Managing how many phone calls we have and how to make the most of our time. Just overall being mindful.

In short, I believe that spending some time meditating more often will help me become more present in my thoughts. I’ve been using an app as a beginner, on and off for a while. But now, having Q to give me tips, pointers, and inspiration to continue my path to a more manageable mind, I feel confident that I can achieve it.


Excerpt: Letter from Q, 9/4/19

“What are the odds… that true love would be found? Amongst the non-stop surface of the Earth, where man finds himself multiplied by the millions. Distinct souls trek boundlessly through life… seeking and exploring… not even knowing what to look for. But alas – two unique souls, through the throes of fate and fortune, will find exactly what they sought in the heart and mind of one another…”

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