Tag: spiritual relationship

S+Q: When we see eachother.

Every time we go to visit, we always write to each other about how we’re feeling afterward. Something about it all is timeless, and unpacks what love means. I thought I’d share the love of our messages, just in time for Valentines.

Baby, every time we take center stage, I’m reminded of why I love you like I do. Everything you are… loving, smiling, laughing, and joyous. My light. The light of my light. I’m holding back a misty eye right now. You know when I wiped a tear on your left hand today… do you know what I was thinking when the tear came? I was thinking about how great you are… I don’t know how its supposed to feel. But I think this is it… I’m sure of it. Love wrapped in flesh…

– Q

“We’ve really always been this way, baby. Silly and fun and a little spontaneous. Dancing and singing and making shit up. Laughing and egging each other on. In that old video of us when we were 19, I’m making fun of you and hyping you up at the same time and laughing. There’s so much love in it and it’s clear you’re doing it to entertain yourself as much as you’re entertaining me. And that’s exactly how we are now. Having fun just because. I love it when we embarrass ourselves and each other because that’s just us and it’s our beautiful and corny love shining with no dullness in sight.”

– S

“S, we are given the chance to have love the way we want it. Unfiltered, pure, and true. We don’t have to be other people. We are us… people that aren’t too easy to understand… and yet, we understand each other… and love one another…”

– Q
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Q+S: Contemplation of the Week

Q and I are starting a new thing for the year, Contemplation of the Week. It’s a quote or thought we find during the week, that we can document, write down, think about, and implement into our lives. For week one, we picked a quote that I happened to find on a tea bag. We decided to write about it. We may do so from time to time… and maybe post it. ❤️

WEEK ONE:

Earth laughs in flowers.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

S: “There was a point in time when he used to always call me his flower. Delicate, beautiful, pure, and joyful. His flower.

Knowing that I am his light, and one of his biggest reasons, it scared me to feel it and see it. It also filled me with purpose and care to a level that I failed to see on my own. It effortlessly fuels the way he loves me.

I know that the earth is full of them – flowers. But a lot of them only spring in the spring. They are rare, but plentiful; like the frequency of comedy. Where there is joy, there is laughter. Where there is earth, there are flowers. Flowers are joy.

Earth will always produce that beauty for as long as there is soil, as long as there is water, as long as there is sun. Flowers cannot bloom without the nurturing of what is constant and what is true. The same goes for love.”

Q: “Living and breathing, the earth is a being equipped with its own soul and character. No different from any other organism.

What does it mean for one to laugh? A joyous reflex imprinted onto the innate operations of the soul. Our laughter signifies our joy. You could say it is the only moniker of a pure elation. The earth exemplifies its joy through the vessel of flowers. If one takes the time to really contemplate the flower, they may find all the joys of the earth, for themselves.”

Q: NOT Home For the Holidays (Redux)

Prison is not the ideal place for spending the holiday season. Disgruntled inmates treat the holidays with either contempt or disregard. For the last 12 years of my incarceration, I opted for the latter. However, I feel the next few though will be different… now that I have S….

We’d been talking for only a few months. Had some face-to-face time, and solidified a higher level in our relationship. Deciding to carry on a relationship given the condition is a monumental choice; and backed by the pressures of the holiday season to “be together…” let’s just say our first holiday season couldn’t have been foreseen.

S loves to travel… which for a slightly over-protective individual like myself, being unable to be “there” for her, is very troubling… but life persists…

Thanksgiving, S travelled to her mother’s house: a nice driving distance away from home. We try our best to stay connected via phone, especially when she’s traveling. Even though it doesn’t necessarily change the way we communicate for the majority, its like I can feel when she’s not home… I get the same deep sinking feeling…

Even when I know S made it to her destination, the feeling remains. The holidays is about family… and to have her around hers, yet splitting the difference on the phone with me, seems wrong. So I try to avoid it… What seems to be a vacation and a time for embracing to everyone else, is more of a time for restriction and limitation for S and I. Which is okay, because it’s real.

Sometimes, I fear that our relationship won’t be as strong because it’ll lack “real world experience.” Like its staged in a fantastic play, where negatives are often hidden in an array of flowery words unaided by presence. But when those moments arise where you can feel strain, you can’t deny that you are being tried. Strangely, that brings me a sense of relief…

Of course I can’t wait to “be with” S for the holidays. As I have told her multiple times, she IS my family. The visions of us cooking, sharing, loving, and thoroughly enjoying the season are hard, but motivating. A few more holiday seasons dot our path to one day being free together, bringing in the holidays…

Until then though, I guess there is something special to learn of our love and the holidays. We just have to remain open and receptive to the wisdom the times and the trials have to offer us in our life now, and in our future…

–Q, written 1/5/20
(Read the S version here)

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S: Surviving the 1st Holiday

It’s January 2, 2020, and the holiday season is now complete. It’s a brand new year and a new opportunity to recharge life.

Needless to say, it’s been rough for Q and I. While our love has proven to withstand the test of time, it’s still very youthful and slightly needy; like a toddler.

Therefore, we’ve found ourselves communicating more frequently while going through what they call the ‘holiday season.’

Thanksgiving was the first culprit of the nonsense. Being around my family and traveling, eating and drinking, creating memories… knowing that Q should be by my side throughout. While a lot of the family knows about Q and I and our situation, it’s not always the easiest thing to bring up to everyone. So a lot of the time, I’ve been forced to hold my feelings or sneak away to get my 20 minutes alone with Q via cell phone tower waves.

As expected, we spent a lot of time thinking and talking about the future. After personally ‘doing Christmas’ 4 times, we noted how we will have Christmas at our house to bring everyone to US.

New Year’s Eve was gentle. As a performer, I had a show that night. Luckily, it was a late night at the facility, which allowed Q to be able to call at 11:50pm – letting us count down the minutes to the new year, and spend it together. We were in two different places at once, but together nonetheless.

All in all, we got through it.

The key was remembering that it’s okay to talk often. Meaningful conversation or not, the emotions are going to be high and plentiful. Listening actively and allowing all feelings – positive and negative – to flow, will make it easy to manage.

We ended New Year’s hand in hand at visit, transferring energy to each other, closing our eyes, breathing together and remembering that we make our world. Vowing to set goals and intentions for our next year together. Knowing the bubble is only as strong as we allow it to be.

– S

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Q: When You Give Your Heart

When you give someone else your heart, they literally become your life…

…All my joy resides in a smile of a single soul.
Her laughter brings heaven to ear…
Behind her lively expressions, lay the keys to life.
My heart beats to the batter of her eyes.
My soul stirs at the rhythm of her breath.
She is my life… and without her I cannot live…

Her eyes hold the world.
Her touch holds the warmth of the sun.
Her voice chimes and darkness is eradicated.
Why must my heart be hers? Does but a fool bind his soul to another?
Who am I, but a fool?

To breathe you is my way to wisdom.
To hold you is my journey to understanding.
I seek you… through all the numerous things.
Through the golds, the jewels, and all matters of worldly powers –
I seek nothing but my Love.
And to me, there is nothing but her…

The flawlessness of a diamond only exposes its sterility.
The purity of a child only exposes its inexperience.
The perfect woman has the brilliance of a diamond, but the means of growth.
She has the purity of a child, but the wisdom to discern truth…

Every piece of you is my bread and breath… you, S, are my life.

– Q, written 12/8/19

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Love Letter Excerpt: 11/11/19

Know everywhere you see the sky, I will not abandon you… just as I see the sun, the moon and the stars and know that your light never flees me. Our love is a matter of spirit. So no bounds, nor even time or space can capture it. It is forever and unending. Infinite and all encompassing.

I hope these words help you to embrace my spirit a little more easily tonight, and though you may not read them until later, tonight I hope you can rest in them… telepathic bubble power and shit. 🙂

– Q, Excerpt from letter 11/11/19

I didn’t get to read this letter until tonight. And tonight was when I needed it. I was under a lot of stress and was feeling a bit hopeless for a lot of reasons. And yet somehow, he’s always there when I need him. Always matching my energy and saying the things I need to hear, even when he’s not here.

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S: Light Speed (The Expression)

Light speed.
We are light speed;
Forever traveling by the speed of light.
Forever traveling by the speed of a love rekindled –
By a light that never burns out.
Moving faster than a reason to run, or a reason to doubt.

My god of love and meee, running free;
Chasing a destined love for eternity.
Forever and ever at a pace unknown to man,
Living and loving as fast as we can.
Cheering at the finish line like a race that’s already won.
Chasing the feeling of a button, undone.
Connecting like a music note to a beat of a drum –
Descending on a mountain on a search for our kingdom.

Light speed, like a falling star from the sky made of you and I…
And landing on an unlimited supply
Of love and undying passion that’ll never end.
My person, now and forever again.

Light speed, because it’s us and it’s what we do…
When a love like ours is faithful and true…
Loyal and willing to carry out any task,
Revealing all that’s real and peeling back any masks –
Be it visible or deep in a dark place in the mind.
Absolving all mentions of time…

Time
is what we have and what we fear,
Even though this rush-lag is exhausting, we’re right here.
Here forever and just for now,
In the past, and the moment we seal this vow.
…Your hands in mine, just like the first time we met.
When we were two souls with zero regret.
Living life like we’d never forget,
And declaring love like we weren’t sure yet.

Light speed, one second at a time
because spirits don’t have a time-line.
That’s what the next life is for,
So I’m thanking the universe for giving US more.
Giving US a moment to explore
Ourselves… individually and together
Today, tomorrow, and eventually forever.

Light speed –
because we move like we always have.
Through years and decades and centuries,
Through miles, elements, and galaxies.
Through wavelengths upon wavelengths,
Knowledge and intelligence,
Growth and development.
Trees and roots,
Earth and water,
Life and love
And love and life.

We are light speed;
We’ve BEEN light speed.
Traveling like a love reincarnated –
Over and over again; it’s not complicated.
Leaps and bounds forever to find our way back to each other.
Each and everyday, engaged in one another.
Chasing the stars and the light…
That never burns out.
Running fasterrrr
than a reason to doubt.

-S, written 11/6

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S: Channeling Spiritual Love

This past weekend at visit, I noticed something on Q’s hand as we sat down after a warm embrace. It was a ring around his pinky, seemingly made of wood. It was brown with some beautiful flaws. He gave it to me and told me a guy made it for him a while back. Said he wanted me to have something of his.

I was immediately grateful; especially when I left him. I pulled it out of my pocket. It magically fit my left ring finger.

After thinking about it for a while and talking to him about the ring, I had an epiphany about it’s meaning. And somehow, he shared something very similar with me in a note before I was able to see it.

Our ring… wood torn from the tree… but forever connected…

– Q, 10/28/19

This ring represents our spiritual love. Our spiritual connection.

With our ring, I am reminded to stay grounded, and present. I am reminded that we are constantly growing. Slow, but steady and intentional. I am reminded that you and I are longevity, as years and years pass while we still stand steady. Tall and timeless. Trees change with the season. But they never fall down in the face of the coldest winters or the hottest summers. Never falling in the face of hurricanes or storms. Persevering it all. 

I am reminded that our love is shelter, always. And that we are spiritually connected at all times. Now, then, forever.

-S

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S: What does it mean to have a love that’s forever?

Oh; What does it mean to have a love that’s forever?

A life of love that survives all obstacles, and makes me better.

What does it mean to have a love that lets me be creative,

whether its good or bad; practiced or forgotten.

What does it mean to have a love that lets me make mistakes,

but never lets me be less than my best.

What does it mean to have a love that makes me beautiful,

no matter what I’m wearing, how many pounds I’m gaining, or how much make up I’m saving.

What does it mean to have a love that speaks truth with every word,

no matter how unbelievable it may seem.

To have faith that is endless.

What does it mean to have a love that listens, even when I’m not talking.

…to have a love that moves me, even when I’m not walking.

What does it mean to have a love that lives in every single moment,

whether the

five senses can sense it

or not.

What does it mean to have a love with a mind of its own?

What does it mean to have a love that lives all around, in every object, every molecule, every thought.

What does it mean to have a love that time can’t shape?…

That time can’t break and time can’t shake? Having a love that can’t wait –

Because it doesn’t have to.

It means THIS love is fate,

And life’s what we make.

– S, for Q, Written 10/22/19

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The Goddess of Life (Written by Q)

As men in my time most often do,
I have found my encased in lonesome solitude…
and within its hollows echoed a still sound…
S… she is the Goddess of Life.
She is warmth, she is light, she is all that is good to a man…

I asked, for what is good to a man that he lives? For days are hot then cold and forever spinning…

The voice replied…

“What brings men to wake?”

Is it not the warmth of life’s embrace?
She is soul’s fire… lit and burning bright with vitality.

“What brings men to see?”

Not by touch of light, nor shine of the sun and stars.
She is day’s light… she is a thousand stars…

By what great grace, am I so fourtunate to know her body so intimate? To breathe her air so vigorously…

S, the Goddess of Life… I am refreshed and full of you…

– Written by Q, for S, his goddess.
(10.10.19)

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