Q: Defining (Part 1) – Love

~Love – The essence of all-being and the impulse of the universe to bind individuals into a whole.

Love is an innate reminder of our original state, ONE.
Love is an energy that operates throughout every thread in the fabric of life, developing all facets of connection which enables reality.
Love beckoned the unity of the single-celled organisms into advanced multi-cellular creatures. THAT is the greatest power of Love – assimilating singularities into units that supersede the sum of their parts. Know that one’s ability to reach one’s infinite potential lays in one’s understanding of Love. The power to create must flow through the power to connect. One must become receptive to this connection and discover its power. Love is the essence of existence, and those who recognize it to be the essence of their being, shall tap into the pulse of the universe.

As wisdom is, Love is symbolic, existing only in expression. There is nothing in this world Love’s touch has not graced. It is one’s own limited vision that fails to recognize the depths of it’s bonds…

– Your Loved One, Q
(2018)

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September’s Mantra

Through meditation and conversation, Q and I have been adopting a few words into the way we walk, talk, and think about life and love.

Establishing peace in our situation. Focusing on the present moment and experiencing everything for what it is. And remaining joyful and positive with every intention, whether it be word or thought.

Namaste.

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A roller coaster.

“I’m starting to realize that this theme park were in (it’s definitely called the Boundless Balance theme park btw) – I’ve been spending so much time trying not to get on the rides you know? It’s been something that’s been challenging since March 2018 when we reconnected. Trying to avoid these rides. Knowing that they’re highly rated and that they’re thrilling and addicting and fun and worth it. But letting myself walk by them in the past… I’m realizing now that riding them is so much more fun. So much more real. A little scary but just like any good roller coaster, bumper cars, waterslides, etc., I never regret taking that ride. And I wanna wait in line for however long, to ride that shit again. Everytime. You are the only man I want to ride these rides with. Making everything heightened. All of my senses, my purpose, my heart my mind my spirit – ALL OF IT.”

– SDN

“Yeah a theme park… I can go for that. So much adventure. But only for those who dare brave the rides… we are taking them with great strides. yeah we go head first into a lot of those gates without knowing what the signs say, but shit, thats a part of the magic. And the rides only catch you off guard once. Then, they offer nothing but welcomed whirls and twirls, dashes and dips and all devices to bring excitement and exhilaration to the riders.”

– QMP
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Q: The Personality, and the Individuality

Some say the ‘personality’ and the ‘individuality’ are one in the same. But the reality is… personality is what we want others to see and think about us. While the individuality is what your soul prays and hopes for and what it truly desires. It’s what you truly and deeply ARE. The two are not one as objects, but they must be one. The mind, body, and soul must be one in purpose and aim.

When one is one with oneself, the personality and the individuality are in harmony. Some people are naturally one, while others may achieve this ‘oneness’ through disciplines, efforts, and applying an ideal in every department of action and thought.

There are few people that really enjoy the company of themselves. Its not merely because they lack love from themselves any less, but the thoughts and emotions of the body are seldom in accord with one another. Their personality and individuality are not in harmony. They are not one. Thus, they don’t reflect the same shadow in the mirror of life…

– Your Loved One, Q

Written 9/18/19

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Q: Finding love again…

The moment we begin to feel the internal self grow under the simplest gaze, touch, or whisper of another – we start to know Love’s primary function in the development of humankind…

After years of confining my heart and mind into an even tighter realm than my prison cell offered, a whisper graced my thoughts in the depths of my meditation. It beckoned me to seek love once more…

I hoped and prayed that fortune would deliver me the chance to love again as greatly as I had once before. Being closed for so long, doors began to build a reluctance to opening again. My fear appeared; though I may rediscover love once more, it may only be a glimmer of the great shine it once held… but fortune favors…

S, my archetype of love came back into view of my heart. From there, my internal self tremored, shook, gladdened, and grew…

What so long ago awakened me to a new frontier of self was able to be forgotten amongst the rubble of a scorned & broken past. It had returned, rekindled, and began its reconstruction of my being…

S, a spring of pure love. She’s the advent of the sun of my soul. She made it to me – through the myriad of things that continue to obstruct life’s essence from the eye and the source of any modern man’s strife.

But our dance ensues. Doubts double over. Fears of folly take presidency. Flights of fancy. We endeavor deeper. Brightness begins to break through the clouds. Love gains it’s full gait. Stillness moves and the world tilts on its’ side…

My sight – that seemingly saw so much, it has been shown to see nothing. Oh, how love rearranges the world, rights the eye, and loses the mind…

– Your Loved One, Q (Written 9/17/19)

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S: The Little Things

Q and I have been seeing each other once every two weeks for the last month.

The first time I went to the prison, it had been the first time we’d seen each other in 12 years. It was almost like neither of us had changed. I was nervous of course, and a little off-put, as I had to wait over 3 hours before I was able to get my moment with him. But it was a moment like no other, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

This weekend was the 3rd time I’d been there. The bubble hangover was real, and the focus on the little things really started to take form for me.

When you have a restricted relationship – such as the one between Q and I, you really have to find ways to cherish the moments you have together, and the moments apart.

With communication becoming so on-demand these days, it’s become apparent that people are easy access. Social media allows us all to check up on each other, without ever reaching out. To make false connections in an instant and interpret words and emotions without a second thought. As people, we really have to become mindful of how we think of other individuals in context of ourselves in order to connect. That’s how Q and I have developed our path to feeling complete in one another.

When we’re speaking, it’s like dating. Spending time together, admiring talking about nothing, or talking about everything. Being very conscious of honesty and details. Trying to guess the facial expressions of one another. Enjoying being right and wrong about it. Enjoying the moods we’re in each day and hour, letting it influence our conversations.

His letters have become the pillow talk we’d have in the morning, and at night. They’re my safety net when I want to feel closer to him at any moment.

When we are holding hands, each subtle movement of an index finger to a palm becomes a physical ‘I love you.’

When we are locking eyes in the visitation room, there’s a thin line between purely feeling love, and making love.

Touching each others faces in silence becomes the way our souls slow dance, with their eyes closed, knowing that true love is among them.

My heart is definitely worried everything is too good to be true. But I try to stay present babe. Stay present in the moment and enjoy the Love we’re giving to one another each day.

– S, excerpt from Letter to Q 9/16/19

I’ve learned to start appreciating carrying Q everywhere I go, in my heart. Staying present and grateful for the time we’ve spent together. The things that remind me of him – including places I’ve been while talking to him, various music, random words, post-it notes on my desk, etc. I smile and remember that I am loved like no one else. That I am special in his eyes. That he’s out there being comforted by my love at every moment, just as I am by his. And that all of the little things matter.

-S

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Q: Meditation…

I, myself was introduced to meditation in the early years of my incarceration, and continued the practice for over 10 years now. I have experienced many forms and approaches to meditation; and currently, I peruse each form that I am fortunate to know, from time to time. (That’s apart of one of my own personally designed approaches in itself :)), but in any case, it all begins with a more conventional approach – ‘mental stilling.’

I’ve found that meditation can produce great benefits mentally, but the rate at which one can receive them is closely related to how well they can silence the already ingrained ego that has taken hold of the mind… and that takes more than practice. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery as well – quieting the personality we’ve created over time to protect us, in a very strange and dangerous seeming world.

To me, centering the self is only gaining a perspective that initially acknowledges the ego as separate from the true self. Then, it moves on to the formation of the spiritual body and its senses.

As the spirit develops, so does the mental and physical life benefit. Once a practitioner gains the spiritual body, they are initiated on their own path where they will discover the higher, more hidden planes that comprise the reality we know. They’ll fin spiritual planes such as love, truth, justice, and so on… finding and becoming their own masters.

This, to me, is the purpose of my meditation practice and remains the path of my spiritual journey…

– Your Loved One, Q
Written 9/9/19

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S: Revisiting My Meditation Journey

This weekend has been trying, as we have endured some challenges with grasping what it means to manage the various and plentiful emotions that come along with our situation.

In the minutes we’ve had this morning speaking, I mentioned the difficulties that come along with thinking of him when I’m in certain places. Feelings of missing him, anger at the fact that he’s away, regret in allowing his presence to be in that space, anxiety. Pure anxiety.

He reminded me that I am not my mind or my thoughts and that it’s okay to feel those feelings. That thinking makes me human, and when I stop thinking I stop living. That my mind isn’t who I am.

About a few hours later, I went to a yoga class and the teacher happened to say something along the lines of “remember, you are not your thoughts,” proving further that the universe wanted to show me something today. To have patience with myself and my situation.

In our conversations today, we highlighted the themes of the weekend to be: presence and balance.

With so much talk about the future, sometimes we forget what it means to take each other for what we are today, and not just what we will be. We’ve also been working on our constant love and life balance, trying to make sure we remain disciplined and fully understanding of each of our situations. Managing how many phone calls we have and how to make the most of our time. Just overall being mindful.

In short, I believe that spending some time meditating more often will help me become more present in my thoughts. I’ve been using an app as a beginner, on and off for a while. But now, having Q to give me tips, pointers, and inspiration to continue my path to a more manageable mind, I feel confident that I can achieve it.

-S

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The Bubble

The bubble represents the mental, emotional, and physical space to which the love between Q and S exists. It’s a metaphorical form of multiple things – from their phone conversations, letters, all the way to when they’re holding hands.

…the bubble…
An indention in time-space – a microcosm where only two distinct souls exist. Their unimpeded synergy generates so much creative/attractive force, that it must be contained within its own dimension of existence. Separate, but parallel to the physical reality most currently experienced…

– QMP

The bubble takes many forms and has developed many functions, from bubble bursting, when they are returning back to reality after 100% recharge, to bubble highs and bubble hangovers, which are self explanatory.

Just as the womb serves as an incubator to newly forming infantile, so does the bubble. It serves as a space by which the the processes necessary for the two apparent souls will evolve into a more perfect and more whole being, and can be properly isolated and nurtured.

-QMP

The bubble acts as an isolated space of their love, where they can recharge and eventually go out into the world, and spread that love and energy out to others.

The bubble, as with all constructs erected of spiritual forces, being more ethereal and idealistic in being, is impervious to physical damage. Only the disconnection, and interruption of the kindred spirits’ synergetic bond can cause the bubble harm…

-QMP

The bubble is fragile and can fluctuate in strength and power depending on the situation. Since the bubble is transparent and sensitive, the building and preparation of the bubble is extensive and is in constant work-in-progress maintaining its stability.

The love that Q and S have is strong enough to handle something as fragile as a bubble – to keep it upstanding and growing for a lifetime.

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